Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Monday, December 04, 2006

Past few Mths

Hi guys!!! I'm sorry for nt updating my blog past few mths. i was busy wif my skool work. Well past few mths alot of thing happen in my life. i nv expect dis changes. Seriouly during dis few mths i dun feel like living but now i wan to live for him ONLY FOR HIM.. Even i'm nt in the relationship i'm happy tat i'm beside him...

-September-

During dis mth i got a chance to talk to him. I cry and talk out my feeling but he dun wan mi. he gave alot of reason to move away frm mi. he lied and hide things i dunno why? i'm very sure he still love mi but he dun wan to show it out. even he nv care, cal or msg mi, I LOVE HIM ALOT .

Last time I CHOOSE TO LEAVE HIM BUT HE CHOOSE TO LOVE MI BUT NOW I CHOOSE TO LOVE HIM BUT HE CHOOSE TO LEAVE MI.

-October-

Beginning of the dis mth i disturb him alot. i nv understand him.. i was onli thinking abt myself and my life. i was so selfish.

Oct 13 was his b'dae and i was the last 2nd gal to wish him and i so excited tat i going to meet him the next day. After a long time i saw myself smiling happily. i met him near his place. when i see him i feel like hugging him but i control myself nt to. even we had very short time to spent, every single second i spent happliy wif him.

In the middle of dis mth i had a big fight wif him. Tat moment i found he change alot. he wasn't the guy i use to know last time. i so dissapointed and feel hurt. he make mi cry alot. even i found out alot of things abt him frm others i can't hate him. i always tell to myself whtever he does there is always a reason behind it.

The last week on dis mth in my life alot unexpected things happen. i had a friend called devan. i treat him as my friend but he treat more than a friend. i explain to him i can't be his gal friend but he dun wan to listen. he pass my num to his cuz to talk to mi behalf of him. his cuz wen over borad and talk to mi very dirty. i ask my guy to help mi in dis matter but he nv show any interest in it. i so fed up and i was so angry becuz he wasn't there for mi to help. tats the moment i started to hate him alot. On the same nite devan cuz bro called mi and say sorry. i was so shocked. he told mi, he nv mean it to talk to mi like tat. he wan to show mi HOW MUCH MY GUY LOVE AND CARE ABT MI.

-November-

I started stop disturbing, callin or msging him. i wanted to forget my past and move on my life. when dae passes by i got love and care frm someone special outside. i wont say his better than my ex. my ex is very nice lovable guy. its very hard to find dis type of person but u guys may think than why he treating mi like tat? One thing i can say WHTEVER HE DO THERE IS A REASON BEHIND IT.

well i like the care and love i get frm the special person but i find it something different even i tot to move on in my life, i cannot. i feel so guitly. i always think " IF I FAITHFUL TO HIM I CAN'T BE TRUTHFUL, IF I TRUTHFUL TO HIM I CAN'T BE FAITHFUL." i juz realise tat i cannot forget my ex even how nice the special person is to mi.. i love him so much. i feel like talking and meeting him for the very last time before i deciede smth. i called and tok to him. when i listen to his voice i fall in love wif him again.

- December -

2nd dec i met him in yew tee mrt station. he came down wif his amry uniform. he look so cute and i like his hair cut. well i was so hungry, he brought mi to mac. after a long time i had a lunch wif him. i remember all my past. when i talking to him, i felt realli hurt him alot. the way he talk to mi i felt so sad and i ask myself why i nv understand his problems. I can't find a word to describe my emotions... i'm speechless.

NOW I CHOOSE TO LOVE HIM IN MY LONELINESS, FOR IN MY LONELINESS NO ONE OWNS HIM BUT ME!!. i onli hv one wish. i wan to see him living a happy life thats the onli happniess i going to hv my life time.

please believe me again at 15:19